i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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