and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
