Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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