This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
