it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
