my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
