im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
