Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
