Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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