I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
