you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
