and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
