look no pants
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
