Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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