I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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