she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
