she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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