So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
