let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
