good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
