My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
