dude i'm inner monologue high
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
