My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Found the puke drawer
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
