Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize