i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
