ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
as a side note pls kill me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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