Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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