Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
