Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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