The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
