Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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