im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
