I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
