So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
