Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
