: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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