i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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