Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
