I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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