Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
