so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize