she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize