gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
