blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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