i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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