Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize