I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
