I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You pole danced in your parka.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize