i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
