i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize