Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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