Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
