Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
