I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
