I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
