Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
