after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
