I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
