Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
