Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
