i dedicated my morning wood to you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
