capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
