I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
