What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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