I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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