Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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