I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
