I wish I could teleport
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
