Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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