i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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