You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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