Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
