My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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