i'm signing you up for texting rehab
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize