i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
