Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
